I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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