you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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