Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You took a bar mat shot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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