My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize