I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize