he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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