I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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