Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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