Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize