You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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