Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize