we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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