he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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