There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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