I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize