dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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