I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize