She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize