Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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