I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize