i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize