I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize