i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize