I hate all girls vehemently.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize