Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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