Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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