This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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