I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize