You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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