I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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