why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
pray to the hookup gods
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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