So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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