Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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