My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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