Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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