my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we should paint friendship bongs
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