i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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