I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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