I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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