I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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