And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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