We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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