Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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