"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize