but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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