im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize