In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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