I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize