Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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