i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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